April 2005

Meet the Prez

You may have noticed recently while driving through town, that all the streets were mysteriously blocked off, and stiff, out of place looking Secret Service type fellows were seen milling about. (Not our cute little Federales with rifles, but real Ray Ban G-men). Well, this little underground milkmaid broke through the barriers to discover what in the world was going on. Turns out we had a most distinguished surprise visitor gracing our sleepy little pueblo. None other than President George W. Bush! Your milkmaid landed the interview of a lifetime.

MM: So, Dubya. You don’t mind if I call you Dubya?

GWB: No, go right ahead. All the little milkmaids on the ranch call me Dubya.

MM: Great. So Dubya, pray tell….what brings you to our little corner of Baja California Sur?

GWB: Well, honey, some people told my people that there’s a movement afoot here to impeach me!

MM: Impeachment? Imagine that right here under our very noses. And most people think we’re just an art colony with a few good restaurants!

GWB: Oh this place is much more than that, I can tell ya’ll! This situation is of great concern to me. So I come here in person to investigate these rumors.

MM: My my. You wasted all that taxpayer money to come down here in person?

GWB: “Hell no! I had the Korea-US Exchange Council cover this trip. I like to get out of Washington D.C.

MM: What do you expect to accomplish by coming here? This place could hardly register on the map in the grand scheme of things. That’s why we’re all here. Why are you?

GWB: I need you people to know I’m about solutions, not problems. Everybody knows Todos Santos is a hotbed of cutting edge political thought. As Todos Santos goes, so goes the world.

MM: What does it matter how a few ex-patriots feel about you?

GWB: I don’t take any of this personally, mind you. When this impeachment idea became discovered, I became concerned it would create instability, not to mention a risk to world peace.

MM: Oh my, but how can you make the people here like you more?

GWB: I just need to make my case. It’s all part of the steps in process. I fully understand we all must be willing to work together to solve our differences on the big issues. That’s how the process works best. But I need to convince your little community not to cross the line when it comes to the preciousness of my presidency. Why, you people are seriously undermining my ability to do my job.

MM: Oh, that explains everything then, I guess. I had no idea Todos Santos plays such a huge role on the world’s stage. How do you intend to fix your problem?

GWB: I’m not looking for Bandaids, but permanent solutions. Americans don’t like partisan politics or political games. I will not leave here until a compromise can be reached.

MM: But that can take a very long time. This is Mexico you know. It takes a week to do a day’s work! Just how much patience and money can the Korea-US Exchange Council have?

GWB: Oh don’t worry your pretty little head over them. I’ll just have the National Center for Public Policy Research kick in a few bucks. I ain’t no April fool!

MM: No sir. But what gives with all the other months?

GWB: You lost me there, little milkmaid, but I know as long as I’m the president I will face criticism. I welcome constructive ideas. They help me do my job better. A president has a lot on his plate….has to make a lot of decisions each and every month.

MM: And you truly believe the stirrings in Todos Santos can impact your outcomes?

GWB: That’s why I’m here, at the source. To show ya’ll I have confidence in my big agenda. I appreciate people paying attention to the issues. It is my duty to work on the big problems in D.C. That’s why I love traveling the world.

MM: And what exactly are Todos Santeños saying that upsets you so much?

GWB: Well, besides making fun of how I can’t talk and write proper, they’re saying I can’t paint!

MM: But Dubya, really now, no one expects the president to be an artist. You should be far more concerned with your social security problems and Supreme Court appointments, and future wars and those two crazy daughters of yours. Not what’s going on down here on the Tropic of Cancer. Isn’t there some deeper message you’d like to leave us all with?

GWB: Yup, I guess there is. I now fully understand you can check out but you cannot leave. We live in a free society. Being here shows me there’s a variety of different possibilities, even though it’s not the way I think. Sorry to blow on, but I hope you enjoyed our little chat. I thank you for the opportunity to share my thoughts with all of you here in Todos Santos. God bless America.

MM: So I guess maybe we’ll be seeing you at full moon Reggae night. Oh and God bless all us April Fools.